How often do you say “I feel pretty” to yourself? There is more negative talk running through my head sometimes than I care to admit. We all know why we shouldn’t say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to our best friends. The more we say it the more we believe it and what a vicious cycle it becomes.

I really struggled with writing this particular post because I truly believe that I am the last person to give advice on this topic. I was recently inspired by a movie that we watched as a family. “I Feel Pretty” is a movie about a young woman, Renee, who wrestles with major insecurity issues. She believes that she is judged solely by her physical appearance. She looks at herself in the mirror and she doesn’t even have to speak for you to know the amount of self loathing going on in her head. She thinks tall, gorgeous models don’t grapple with the same insecurities. Sound familiar? Renee has a bad fall in her Soul Cycle class and comes to with an incredible new confidence. It is amazing the power it gave her over her career and love life. WOWZA! I thought it was great and maybe not in the way of an Oscar nomination but because it could resonate with so many women.

So, what does it take to silence those negative voices in our heads?

Wouldn’t it be nice if all it took was a little knock in the head to come to with this new found confidence? Were we all born with massive self confidence and somewhere along the way lost it? Do many women have a great deal of it and Renee and I are not the norm? Either way, this movie got me thinking...I tried to pay attention to the times that “I felt pretty”. Quite honestly because I like “liking myself” much more than “loathing myself” and I want to feel that way more often. I would like to clarify here what “I feel pretty” means to me. “I feel pretty” doesn’t just mean that I feel like I look good. It means I feel strong, I feel confident, I have my act together and I’m doing a good job raising my kids. It means I don’t have trouble speaking up and I can be taken seriously because I’ve taken time to care for myself and I am important.

Fashion excites me...it’s how I express myself. When I make an effort “I feel pretty.”

Soon after this movie, I began the painful process of packing for a trip to Italy with my husband. We would be with 150 of his colleagues and their spouses on an exclusive cruise starting in Rome. We would have private tours, fine onshore dinners, wine tastings and lots of special events. So what’s so terrible about that? Full disclosure...I stress about being with people outside of my element. I guess it means that I stress about being with people who are working and are “successful.” I realized how important it is to me to feel “put together” when on these sabbaticals. I feel my best and most confident when I love what I’m wearing and don’t have any hesitation about how it looks or if it makes me comfortable! Out came the rolling rack, itinerary, suitcase, accessories and shoes. I really took the time to think through what I was bringing and it didn’t matter if I had a suitcase that was a little heavier or if I wasn’t going to wear the item with more than one outfit. Fashion is how I express myself. It excites me! And, when I’m dressed, “I feel pretty.” When I make an effort…“I feel pretty.” Even on excursions when we were hiking or doing meditative yoga on the ship I was careful to pack clothes that I felt really good in. This planning was so worth the time. And now I remind myself of this daily!

Fashion affects us

So, of course there comes the argument that beauty and confidence should come from within. What would I want to teach my daughter? Do I want her to believe that her worth comes from her “style”? NO, but what I do want her to know is that fashion can affect your self confidence. It actually has been studied and is called “enclothed cognition”. Adams and Galinsky, the researches, basically found “clothes can have profound and systematic psychological and behavioral consequences for their wearers.” They also stated “although the saying goes that clothes do not make the man our results suggest they do hold a strange power over their wearers.”

Every day we are faced with the decision of what to wear, right?!

Why not make the most of it?

Don’t dread the process...pick the items that make you feel fabulous. We all have certain items in our closet that make us feel at ease when we wear them. Certainly don’t pick the things that make you question yourself or make you uncomfortable! Life’s too short for that!

Don’t wait for the trip or the movie to make you think of what makes you feel pretty. You don’t have to be going to a special place or event. Just know that what you have on has an impact on your self confidence.

Fashionably yours,