Teaching My Teens How They Dress Matters
Theo Pace
I always had the best time shopping for Alex’s clothes. Then one day I bought her an outfit she didn’t like. I knew that day would eventually come. My little girl was growing up and I was excited to see her style evolve.
We started off on a little shopping trip to celebrate her birthday. We were having a lot of fun and finally landed at the shoe department in Nordstrom’s. We came across a sale rack and she was able to try on all the shoes that interested her. She pulled out a pair of heels and they were small enough to fit. It was fun to watch her walk around in them. And then she asked me to buy them for her…she really wanted them! I was not buying them. She was 5! It made me realize as cute as the whole situation was, there were a lot of things we’d have to talk about when it came to dressing.
I had some worries then and I still do now. She is in middle school and these can be difficult years. We are embarking on this long road and there are so many things to discuss as we navigate this next chapter. I’d like to have fashion and shopping remain part of our fun!
It’s important to say here that I’ve had similar discussions with my son about clothing. For the purpose of keeping things simple, I have chosen to chat about the way Alex and I are navigating it. As a family we have been discussing this topic and it has been very interesting to hear their views and thoughts.
I want both of my children to have their own style and to feel comfortable in the clothing they wear. I do, however, want them to realize that it’s important to think about what you wear and what it says about you.
I want both of my children to have their own style. It’s important to feel comfortable in the clothes you are wearing. I know for myself, when I feel put together I am at my most confident. Have you read my blog post "I Feel Pretty"? It’s all about my feelings towards clothing and my confidence. This may not be true for everyone but I can certainly see a difference in Alex’s confidence and the way she carries herself when she is put together in something she chooses to wear. I also recognized it was important for Anthony to choose his own graduation suit and shoes for his end of year events. He stood a little taller and carried himself differently.
Your peers aren’t the only ones who see you. You will be seen by parents, teachers and potential employers all throughout your life. These people may all look at how you present yourself differently. It most likely will matter to them. They will care how you present yourself.
In the same breath, whether we like it or not…this is also the first impression people have of you. The way we carry ourselves and how we present ourselves is the first thing people see. My children explained that their friends respect what other classmates choose to wear and even if they think a classmate is wearing shorts that are too short, exposing cleavage or even wearing a hood over their head in 90 degree weather, it’s their choice to do so. I heard this from other teens that I spoke with too. I was glad to hear that they didn’t judge other kids for the way they dressed. But what I did stress to them was this…your peers aren’t the only ones who see you. You will be seen by parents, teachers and potential employers all throughout your life. These people may all look at how you present yourself differently. It most likely will matter to them. They will care how you present yourself. I was happy to see that they agreed with this.
Where do we go from here?
I decided to give Anthony and Alex a small list of questions to help them navigate choosing an outfit for outside of school events and occasions. I explained to them that these are things I think about myself when getting dressed! They were receptive to the idea because it gives them freedom in choosing their own clothes. I liked it because it takes me out of the equation, and now that we have laid some ground work it builds trust.
*Is this outfit appropriate for the weather?
*Will there be activities that I can comfortably participate in with this outfit?
*Is the outfit I’m planning on wearing appropriate for where I’m going? Is it a funeral, church, an adventure park or the beach?
I know that we still have Middle School and High School years to navigate and the road of “what is appropriate to wear” may not always be this smooth. At least it’s a start. As always, I think openly discussing things is important and so is respecting my children’s opinion. I also realize that every teen is different and so are all parent/child relationships.
I hope you’ll join me next week. Alex and I collaborated on planning her Summer Looks. It was quite an adventure as she has grown out of the children’s department and is shopping in Juniors. There were many more options and it was interesting to see the items she chose and how she arrived at her decisions!
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